As Black as Ebony Page 5

  Sweet, sweet Sampsa. Sleeping like an innocent child. Strangely innocent even when awake. Fearless because he had never really had to fear. Knowing his own worth because no one had ever called his worth into question or trampled it into the ground.

  Lumikki closed the door behind her as she went into the kitchen. She turned on the light and tried to decide whether to make coffee. Then she definitely wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but right now she really needed that strong smell and familiar taste. The sharp bite of the first sip that soon turned to a sensuous feeling of calm and refreshment. Sharpening her senses.

  She was just about to grab the espresso pot when she saw her phone display light up. A text message. Who on earth would be texting her at this hour of the morning?

  My Lumikki, you’re awake. I can see the light in your window. Don’t even think about waking up your snoring boyfriend. This is just between the two of us, like all important things.

  Lumikki’s mouth went dry. It was hard to swallow. Breathing felt difficult. The text message had been sent through an anonymous server, so the phone only displayed the provider’s number, not the sender’s. Her stalker was leaving nothing to chance, and he hadn’t left any traces of himself even by accident. Escape. Hide. Lights off.

  That was Lumikki’s first reaction, but she knew all of that was pointless. She had already been seen. She couldn’t hide. So with as steady steps as she could manage, she walked to the window and looked out into the darkness. She forbade her hands from shaking and pressed them against the glass, shading herself a small peephole out into the outside world. There was no one in the park. The shadows of the trees didn’t move. But there were too many dark places to count where her stalker could be standing, hidden. Or he could be in the opposite building. He could be standing almost anywhere. He could see Lumikki. Lumikki couldn’t see him.

  Another text.

  Come out. I want to show you something.

  Never. Lumikki nearly threw her phone against the wall. Did this person think she lacked any sense of self-preservation? That she was just going to walk out into the night because some lunatic was sending her messages? Lumikki knew she was reckless sometimes, but she wasn’t that crazy.

  Lumikki sat down at the table and looked at her phone. She could turn it off. Her stalker could send her messages all night if he wanted, but she wasn’t going to read any of them.

  Just then a third text came through.

  I can see you aren’t going to come out. Too bad. In that case, I’ll have to do something else tonight. I have Anna-Sofia’s address here. I think I’ll pay her a visit. Do you have anything you’d like me to say to her? If you do, now’s the time. In the morning, she won’t be able to hear it anymore. Or anything else.

  Lumikki stood up so fast the chair clattered to the floor. The person sending these messages had to be bluffing. What a bullshit threat. He wasn’t going to go kill Anna-Sofia. He couldn’t. He was just trying to see how far he could push Lumikki.

  But what if he was serious . . .

  Or did you change your mind? You have two choices, Lumikki. Either you go outside now or Anna-Sofia dies before sunrise. Maybe you want her to die. If you do, I’m happy to oblige. Anything for you, my love.

  Lumikki knew she couldn’t take the risk. She didn’t know who she was dealing with, but she knew that this stalker knew things about her he shouldn’t have been able to know. And he really could be prepared to do anything.

  Clothes on. Coat on. Boots on. One last careful peek in to make sure Sampsa was sleeping. Still the same quiet, peaceful snoring. Lumikki quickly scribbled a note saying she couldn’t sleep and had gone out for a walk. She sincerely hoped Sampsa wouldn’t wake up before she got back. If she got back.

  No, Lumikki refused to give in to fear, even though it washed over her in a choking deluge.

  Outside, it was drizzling. Before letting the door swing shut, Lumikki squeezed the handle so hard her hand started to hurt. She looked around, but didn’t see anyone. What kind of game was this? She had come outside. She was following instructions.

  Another text message.

  Good girl. But the night is cold. I want to take you somewhere warm. I know you’re a fast runner. You have exactly fifteen minutes to run to Milavida Palace. If you don’t make it in time, I’ll change my plans and go kill Anna-Sofia after all. Your time starts now.

  Lumikki had already set off running as she read the final words of the message. The wet, slick park path seemed to slip away under her combat boots. Why hadn’t she known to put on running shoes? She should have learned by now that she always ended up running at some point. That was what her life had been like since last February.

  In her mind, Lumikki quickly calculated the fastest route. To the end of the park, across the railroad tracks, and then straight to the river. Gray-brown muck squelched under her shoes. The cold drizzle penetrated her coat and hat, and reduced visibility. The street lamps shone wanly. Everywhere their light didn’t reach was as black as pitch.

  As she ran and glanced at the time, Lumikki wondered if there was any sense to this. Why was she doing this? Why did she really care whether her stalker carried out his threat? Lumikki hadn’t seen Anna-Sofia in more than two years and hadn’t had anything to do with her in much longer. It shouldn’t have mattered to Lumikki in the slightest what happened to her former school bully.

  When Lumikki crossed the tracks and turned north toward the river, she realized this was the only thing she could do because a part of her really did want Anna-Sofia to die. Lumikki had fantasized about it so many times, sometimes even dreaming it would happen. Even after she got away from her tormentors and moved to Tampere, a small part of Lumikki thirsted for revenge and a feeling that evil had received its reward. Because of Anna-Sofia and Vanessa, she had spent years wishing she could be dead instead of having to endure their torture.

  Justified revenge.

  If Lumikki had just stayed home and gone back to sleep and Anna-Sofia had really died, she would have felt responsible. She would be guilty because a part of her wanted it.

  Still five minutes left. Lumikki pounded along the street. She was just coming to the footbridge that led over the river to the park with the palace. The bridge was wet. The cold, damp air was rough on her lungs. But she would make it. She had to make it.

  This park wasn’t one of Lumikki’s favorite places. It was beautiful enough, with a long history since it was built on nearly bare rock back in the early eighteen hundreds. In the summer, it was intoxicatingly green and had amazing views out over the lake. There were all kinds of different rock-dwelling plants, fences built from river stones, and the park even had Finland’s biggest poplar tree. Under different conditions, Lumikki would have thought it was the best park in Tampere.

  But Blaze had dumped her here. That was why Lumikki could never come here without experiencing a confused mixture of sadness and anxiety. And tonight, the park was black and silent as the grave. A nightmare park.

  The palace rose white and woefully run-down in the center of the park, on the highest spot, in stately solitude. Lumikki’s lungs hurt as she expended the last of her strength on the uphill sprint.

  Milavida. That was the original, melodious name of the place. Milavida’s history was tragic. The owner of the Finlayson textile factory, Wilhelm von Nottbeck’s son, Peter von Nottbeck, had built it as a replacement for the family’s previous house, a villa next to the rocky hill. However, the Nottbeck family never lived in their new house, which was completed in 1898, because Peter’s wife, Olga, died giving birth to twins and Peter died six months later after an appendix operation in a Paris hospital. The palace was sold to the City of Tampere in 1905. In the black December night, Milavida looked like the ethereal ghost of a building. A palace of specters. Perhaps the Nottbecks had moved in after all following their deaths.

  Lumikki looked at her phone. She had made it in time. She felt like screaming for her stalker to come out and show himself at last. Just the
n, a new text message arrived.

  One minute early. You were faster than I expected. You’ve earned your reward. In the foundation of the palace on the left side with your back to the lake is a small hole. There’s something for you there.

  First, a game of tag and now, hide-and-seek. The stalker must have been getting some sick pleasure from this. Lumikki went to the left end of the building and started feeling along the cold stone foundation with her fingers. Nothing. No hole. She was getting tired of this. Then, just as she was giving up and her fingers were losing all feeling, she found a crack almost at ground level. She pushed her fingers in and caught hold of something metal. Lumikki pulled it out.

  In her hand lay a small brass key.

  Congratulations. This is the key to the great secret of your life. I’m sure once you remember enough you’ll also remember what the key goes to. But now it’s time for you to go make sure your prince is sleeping safely. You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to him. Even if he isn’t your one true love.

  Lumikki never would have thought she could run back even faster. Fear gave her wings. If this lunatic did anything to Sampsa . . .

  At home, everything was as it should have been. Sampsa was asleep in bed. Lumikki took off her clothes, crumpled up the note about going on a walk and threw it in the trash, and snuck back into bed. In his sleep, Sampsa turned over and hugged her. His bangs were moist. Had he had a nightmare and been sweating?

  Suddenly, Lumikki was so tired that her eyes drooped shut. She fell into a sleep free of nightmares or dreams about the mysterious key waiting in her coat pocket. The key with the heart.

  People are so trusting. If you’re assertive and credible enough, they swallow your words and love how true they taste. That’s why it was so easy to get the key. People trust me and end up saying things they wouldn’t otherwise. All I had to do was create a relaxed, confidential mood and even he talked. And you should never forget that alcohol helps people open up too. The key was hidden where he guessed it would be.

  “Isn’t it sick that they still keep it in the bookshelf behind a copy of Tittytumpkin’s Fairy Tree?” That’s what he said when I got him drunk. I agreed, although I think there are much sicker things in this world. Who am I to judge other people’s decisions? We all want to keep our secrets in our own way.

  I wanted to give it to you so you would remember. I could just tell you everything I know, but that would be boring. I would rather you found it out yourself. Then it will mean more. Then your own, real memories will come back.

  You may not be able to think of it this way yet, but I am giving you gifts. One at a time. And these are the biggest gifts anyone has ever given you.

  I am giving you your past.

  I am giving you your secret.

  I am giving you who you really are.

  I am giving you yourself. Finally.

  And then you will be prepared to accept my final gift, my eternal love, because you will understand that I am the only person who can love you this much. Then you will learn to love me too. We are the same. We are one.

  TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12

  The black water dragged Lumikki ever farther down. She couldn’t have reached the surface even if she tried. But she didn’t want to try. Under the water was a forest. Different from any forest on land. The trunks and branches of the trees were in a constant, fluid swaying motion. They were flexible. They were soft, water plants.

  Lumikki sank deeper and deeper. Now she could see something shining on the bottom. It was a small chest. It looked familiar. Lumikki realized that the brass key she had been given would fit the lock on the chest. They belonged together.

  Lumikki tried to get to the chest, but suddenly, her feet became stuck in the black bottom muck. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. Her oxygen was running out. Lumikki knew that her lungs would soon fill with water and she would die.

  “Fear.”

  Hearing this word stated emphatically snapped Lumikki awake. She had just nodded off. It took her a few seconds to realize she was in psychology class and that the teacher’s voice had woken her up. Running to Milavida Palace the night before felt like a distant nightmare, but two concrete pieces of evidence remained. Insane exhaustion and the small brass key that was in her jeans pocket and kept tempting her hands to finger it over and over again.

  The chest. She remembered the chest. But where had she seen it . . . ?

  “Fear is one of the primary drivers of human behavior,” the teacher, Henrik Virta, continued. “Sometimes I wonder if we should even talk about courage. Perhaps there’s no such thing as courage. Only fear.”

  “How do you justify that?” Tinka asked without raising her hand.

  “We often hear that courage is the conquering of fear. As I see it, fear itself is what drives us to act and can make us do things we wouldn’t be able to otherwise. So, sometimes, fear looks like courage.”

  Henrik’s voice was deep and pleasant. He had always been one of Lumikki’s favorite teachers because he knew how to say things in a way that made you think, but didn’t try too hard to be provocative.

  “But doesn’t fear make you run and courage makes you stay and fight?” Aleksi asked.

  “You can think of it that way. But you can also argue that fear gives us instructions about how best to act in any given situation. The fear of death is one of the strongest. And sometimes it makes us run away, but other times, it motivates us to fight,” Henrik said.

  Lumikki was still tired and would have liked just to lay her head on her arms on her desk and sleep, sleep, sleep. Sitting next to her, Sampsa stroked Lumikki’s arm.

  “Go home after class and take a nap. You look like the walking dead,” he whispered.

  “Thanks,” Lumikki snorted.

  That morning, Sampsa had remarked on how exhausted Lumikki looked. Lumikki had just said that she hadn’t been able to sleep very well. What else could she have said? Her stalker was very clear that she wasn’t allowed to breathe a word about him or his messages to anyone. Sampsa thought Lumikki should just stay home from school, but she didn’t feel like she could stand being alone right now. Rest sounded good right now, though. It sounded imperative.

  After class ended, Henrik asked Lumikki to stay after. Sampsa had to hurry to his next class, so he just raised his hand to his ear signaling that he would call. Lumikki nodded in reply.

  “I just wanted to check and make sure you’re planning to take the psychology college entrance exam in the spring,” Henrik said.

  “I guess,” Lumikki replied.

  “I wouldn’t ask, but you’re definitely the most talented student I’ve had in years. We aren’t really supposed to say things like that, but I wanted you to know.”

  Henrik patted Lumikki lightly on the shoulder.

  “Okay. Thanks,” Lumikki said, off balance.

  She was relieved when Henrik turned back to his papers, indicating that their conversation was over. Lumikki needed sleep so bad it was painful.

  The doorbell woke Lumikki from a dream about kissing Blaze. In her dream, she felt as the brass key slipped from her mouth into his.

  Lumikki got out of bed still wrapped in the dream. She peered through the peephole.

  Blaze. Of course. Lumikki wasn’t even surprised.

  She opened the door even though she had promised herself she wasn’t going to let Blaze in anymore. The kiss from the dream still tingled on her lips. At first, Blaze didn’t say anything. Taking off his orange gloves, he lightly stroked Lumikki’s cheek with cool fingers.

  “I had to come,” he said. “Ever since our last meeting, I’ve had this feeling you were afraid of something. I had to come make sure you’re alright. You know I would protect you from any of the evil in this world.”

  His words pierced Lumikki like burning arrows. Something inside her cracked and crumbled.

  Because someone could see her so clearly. Could sense the emotions she tried so hard to hide.

  Lumikki grabbed Blaze by
the neck and pulled him to her. She gazed into his eyes as long as she could. Plunging into the ice water. Jumping into the blue of the sky. Stepping into the hottest, blue-white, most incandescent part of the fire. Then she kissed Blaze and let her lips and mouth and tongue communicate all the longing and misery and desire and passion that had been tearing her apart since they broke up.

  As soon as the kiss began, Lumikki knew.

  This was their forest. This was their lake. This was their ink-black, clear sky full of points of light.

  All these things surrounded them simultaneously. Nothing had disappeared. The light finding its tiny paths through the leaves of the trees. The calming dark. The rustling, the scratching, the cooing, the soughing of the wind, the lapping, the gently rocking waves, the cool currents and warm pockets of water, the feeling of weightlessness, the giddiness, the immensity, time and eternity, the air that flowed into your lungs freely, the pulse of the universe, their shared heart.

  Lumikki didn’t remember when she had last felt something as hard and unpleasant as breaking away from that kiss. But she had to.

  How could something that felt so right be so wrong?

  “We can’t see each other. At least for a while. I’m with Sampsa now,” Lumikki managed to say.

  She forced herself to take a step backward. The distance to Blaze felt painfully far. They should have been able to be right against each other. But they couldn’t.

  “Do you love him?” Blaze asked.

  He asked it in such a serious tone that Lumikki felt she owed him an honest answer.

  “I’m not sure I know what love is,” she said.

  “Why are you with him then? Why are you pushing me away? Is it because he’s a real boy?”

  Exhaustion washed over Lumikki.

  “Of course not. Don’t even joke about that.”